She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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