he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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