shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
