I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
