As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You were trust falling into bushes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
