Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
