I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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