Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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