We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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