you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
