I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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