i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
