Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
