You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
