your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
