what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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