I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
