i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
