Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
