Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
