areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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