What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
