Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
