ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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