You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
