im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
