when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
