If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
