it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
