does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
