i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
