Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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