What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
