I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
