im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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