And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
