she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
