Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
