I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
