My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
