We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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