i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
