his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
