ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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