Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
