he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
