Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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