She said her name was "party"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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