The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
