My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
