end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
